Often, it doesn’t feel easy to talk to an aging parent or family member about getting older, their plans for the future, needing assistance with daily activities, and even where to live. Although uncomfortable, it’s an important conversation to begin well before an emergency situation occurs. Use these tips to open the lines of communication and start having conversations about the future.
- Make a list of concerns you have for your parent or family member. For example, you may be worried about their physical safety at home or their ability to manage their medications independently. Write down everything that is a concern to you. Try to guide the conversation with questions that allow them to express their thoughts and plans.
- Set up a time to talk. Tell them about your concerns ahead of time so they can start thinking about what they envision for their future. If they feel blindsided by the conversation, they could become defensive. Alert any siblings and family members about your planned discussion so they are aware of it even if they can’t be there.
- Research different senior living options. As you educate yourself, you’ll likely find a range of options from independent living and in-home care to assisted living and continuing care, all of which include different types of senior care services. Be honest about the amount of help your loved one truly needs as you want to ensure you find the best match for their needs.
- Talk in person if possible. Choose a time when you are both well-rested and can talk uninterrupted. You may want to meet at a neutral site outside of their home or involve a close non-family member, such as an attorney, physician, minister or friend.
- Use questions with supportive, non-confrontational language while making clear your concerns for your parent or family member. Let them know you care about how they are doing and want to know their ideas for their future.
Sample questions:
“Where would you want to live If you decided you would rather not live here anymore?”
“What things do you need help with around the house?”
“How has it been for you living at home? Have you considered whether you’d like to be around others your age?”
- Listen carefully to what they have to say rather than providing a solution. Reassure them that you are their partner in solving a particular need or issue in their life. Remember to use open body language – no crossed arms or hunched shoulders. Be patient and respectful – you can always pick up the conversation later if it gets heated or overly emotional.
- Keep talking. Although it would be nice to wrap things up in one conversation, you will likely need multiple discussions. It’s okay to take the time to develop a mutually agreeable plan unless you have an emergent health issue or safety risk to address with your parent or loved one at home.
Next steps.
Having this conversation may not be easy, but you can help your parent or loved one navigate their next steps and make a plan that works for everyone. We want to be a resource, so please contact us if you have questions or want more information about the care and living options The Palms at Plantation can provide.
